Headonism FAQ

OK, so I got bored and decided to start my own religion. What follows is a short introductory FAQ to my new religion. Read, learn and obey. Or else.

What is Headonism?
Headonism is The One True Religion.

Who is Richard Head?
His most exultated, the Lion of Logic, the Baron of Bravery, the Prince of Piety, the Guv'nor of Greatness, the Hovercraft of Holiness and the Conquerer of Constipation, the Honourable Sir Richard Head is The Prophet (MTBFBFHTPWAAT) of The One True Religion, Headonism. He is the embodiment of God on Earth.

What are the central tenets of Headonism?
There are three pillars of Headonism.

Number one: worship your Prophet (MTBFBFHTPWAAT)! He gets cranky when He's not worshipped, and believe you me, you won't like Him when He's cranky.

Number two: don't be a douchebag! Like, ever. Got that? Just, don't.

Number three: have fun! To be bored is a great sin in Headonism, and to be boring is the greatest sin of them all. Those who have the most fun go to heaven, and have even more fun.

How is Headonism different from other religions?
Well, Headonism differs from lesser religions in many ways. For one thing we have a strict no-kiddie-fiddling policy. Secondly, we don't have that rather peculiar obsession with Jews that most all other religions suffer from. In fact, we rather like the loveable kooky funsters.

Thirdly, and most importantly, have you ever read the bible or quran and thought to yourself, "My, this God character is a bit of a schizo, isn't he? I mean, one minute it's peace, love and understanding, the next minute he threatens to strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuurious anger. And frequently does." Well, that's because the lesser religions got it all wrong, you see. God isn't a bitter old megalomaniac, or a big girl's blouse; he's just cool.

Do Headonists have any symbols, you know, like Christians have the cross?
Yes. Yes, we do. It's a wooden spoon. Like so.

What's the significance of the wooden spoon?
Earlier, feistier Headonists used to roam the land trying to smite whatever infidel happened to cross their path. This was due to the Book of Bob 2:5, which states "And verily, you, the faithful, are commanded by God, Our Lord, to go unto the world and smite the infidel with The Large Wooden Spoon of Righteousness." This practise has since been abandoned after it came to The Prophet's (MTBFBFHTPWAAT) attention and He issued an edict stating that it was a metaphorical commandment and declared the practitioners "very silly indeed."

So Headonism is just another violent religion?
Not at all. The only other outbreak of Headonistic violence in history is what became known as Brown vs White. This was the mother of all fratricides and broke out in 1987 over an argument about who was the second coolest cat in the universe; Barry White or James Brown. The wholesale slaughter was eventually brought to an end when The Prophet (MTBFBFHTPWAAT) intervened and uttered the now famous words, "or maybe it's Christopher Walken...?"

Shortly afterwards all three were granted Sainthood by The Prophet (MTBFBFHTPWAAT) and the matter was put to rest once and for all.

What's with this MTBFBFHTPWAAT stuff?
"May There Be Firm Boobs For Him To Play With At All Times". Sorta like lesser religions have "peace be upon him" (PBUH).

Aren't you just a bunch of perverts worshipping boobs?
What do you mean, that we're perverts who worship boobs or boobs who worship perverts? Stop using ambiguous language!

Anyhoot, the answer is: certainly not! How dare you!? It's vicious anti-Headonistic nonsense like that which leads to catastrophies like The Great Pr0n Outage of 1999. You have no idea what my people have been through!